Dear Timothy,
I love you so much and I know you are just the person to help with my quandary. A friend of mine writes a blog where she spills the beans about all of the very intimate details of her past and present relationships. To be completely honest, reading it makes me terribly embarrassed for her. To make matters worse, she is promoting the hell out of it and everyone is talking poorly about her behind her back. How do I break it to her gently that she is making a mistake by being so open?
Many thanks.
You don’t have to be that gentle with that old whore! Obviously, if she’s putting this out there so vigorously, you don’t have to worry about being kind and nice and breaking it to her gently. She’s already broken everything. You’ve just got to spit it out. Look her straight in the face and say, “Look, you’re embarrassing all the people that know you, not to mention yourself. You have to stop talking about all your intimate sexual neuroses. Get over it girl. We don’t care.” That’s why we go to the movies; that’s why we read books – to hear about the dirty details of others. We don’t need to know it about our friends. Keep a little – we won’t even call it dignity – keep a little privacy. Keep your privates private, darling. Cross your legs and shut your mouth.
Is it appropriate to give a “coming out” gift? A dear friend of mine just announced the big news and my gut says that it is a milestone worth commemorating, but I don’t want to make things weird. What do you think?
Coming out of the closet? Coming out of Afghanistan? Coming out of the hospital? Ugh, I don’t think you need to give him a present for coming out. You just say, “Congratulations. I’m proud of you. It’s really great that you’re doing this, not only for yourself, but for humanity.” We’re not all the same and people need to understand that. Why anyone thinks that we should all be the same is beyond me. But you don’t need to give a gift and you definitely don’t need to tie any ribbons on any appendages. Just congratulate your friend. And I congratulate him too.
I have a fairly new job and the working environment is different than what I am used to. In our office, everyone sits in a large communal working space, rather than in individual offices. The guy that sits next to me laughs out loud at his computer and talks to himself all day. It makes me really uncomfortable, day after day. Outside of constantly wearing headphones, which really isn’t an option, is there anything I can do?
Yes. You can go to management and tell them it’s bothering you, but you should say it to him directly first. If he isn’t kind and open about changing his behavior, then you should go to management. There’s no need for you to work in a place where Raucous Roger disturbs the ability for you to do your job. No, no, no, no. Gently confront him. If that doesn’t work, go to the boss and say, “I either need to be moved or you need to put a gag order on Roger Big Mouth.”
I’ve been losing weight and eating better, exercising, all that jazz. I’ve found some success and my spouse has recently taken it upon himself to do the same. How do I encourage him without holding him to the same standards to which I hold myself, or avoid putting too much pressure on him and inadvertently insulting him because of his delicate male ego?
Well, it sounds like he is already ready to make a change. Considering the fact that you likely live together, if you’re eating healthy, he doesn’t have much of a choice, does he? That’s half the battle. You should be sure to pay him some compliments and admire his progress. You have already done a great thing by setting an example and inspiring him to make a change. I wouldn’t go so far as to try to brainwash or strong-arm him, but just encourage him. You’re doing quite well. Keep it up, Big Mama.
I have several friends and family members getting married this year. Everyone is having engagement parties, showers, and bachelorette parties in the months leading up to the weddings. To make matters more stressful, many of these friends and family members live out of town and I am expected to attend all the events, especially the family ones. Is there any way to make everyone happy without going broke and losing my mind in the process?
What a quandary. What a mess! You might instill in them that most marriages don’t last, so make your attendance choices based on that. Seriously. You just need to do what makes you happy. If you don’t want to travel to all of these festivities, you don’t have to. You go to the ones you want to. You send the presents you want to. You spend as much money as you want to. That’s that. They have no right to give you any grief – none whatsoever. Don’t take any. Don’t worry about it. Just do what makes you happy. That’s why it’s called an invitation. It’s not a summons from a court. The police are not going to come and round up all you girls in the paddy wagon to take you to the bachelorette party because it’s your duty. Besides, they’re the ones making the mistake, not you.
Timothy Tidwhistle is an assumed name, but rest assured he is a very real person.
If you need advice, send us a message at holler@thelouisvillepaper.com
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